Where it all began and ended

(A tribute to my father)

The slightest smell of evaporated milk takes me back to a favorite childhood memory; I can feel a faint smile edge its way to the corner of my lip, as the memory pulls at my heartstrings with warmth. The recollection is painted so vividly, as if Rockwell himself created it. Instantaneously, I am transported to a cherished moment I shared with my father and brother so long ago.

Dad warmed evaporated milk in a pan on the stove and poured it into two bottles for my brother and me. He playfully held the bottles just out of reach, teasing us. We stood on our tip-toes with our arms stretched overhead, jumping and twirling trying to reach them. Dad was tickled; a soft grin appeared and his kind eyes danced with laughter as he gazed down at two bright-eyed youngsters eagerly staring up at him. He finally lowered the bottles and squeals of excitement erupted. My brother and I grabbed onto them, as he swept us into his arms and made his way to our favorite rocking chair. In those early years, we spent countless hours cuddled up with the gentle giant we called daddy. 

The aroma of evaporated milk and this special memory still resonate with me today, many years after losing my father. It’s funny how one memory can intertwine with another. Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and within five years the awful disease wove its way through his lymph nodes, bones and brain. In January 2011, he lay unresponsive during the final week of his life. My brother and I, along with our families, watched helplessly as his body withered, and his breathing and heartbeat slowed until he exhaled his last breath. 

I can’t help but wonder if dad felt the same way that we did as children in the kitchen so long ago…
Was he eagerly staring up with bright eyes at his Father, standing on tip-toes with his arms stretched overhead, as he could see the “gift of eternal life” just out of reach? I imagine his Father smiling at him with kind, gentle eyes, before sweeping him up in His arms of comfort to take him home. 

Oh, how I miss him.